2014: What A Start!

It's pretty freaking ridiculous how inconsistent I am at blogging. I used to be so attached to my laptop. I used to blog almost daily. The positive side to my absence is the fact that I've been living my life. No longer do I really need to romanticise drinking tea and my loneliness because I've been far from it!

Is it rude for me to say that? I know that there are a lot of people who look to the internet as a refuge from their abysmal realities... I guess I can say that I used to be that person, but life through me a second wind and now I'm winning (You can win too!).

So much has changed since the cynical little me from 2013. Sure, I still have my flaws and angst... but this year is already so different in so many ways.
In point form, here's what's different:

• I turned 21. I didn't cry on my birthday because of sadness.
• Ben and I are now engaged. WAWAWIWA!
• My originals band keeps getting better and better and I'm so excited to pounce on the industry and get out there!

Here's what is still the same:

• I'm still a poor uni student
• I'm still a waitress/bartender

My birthday took place on the 10th of January and consisted of a feast of pizza, cocktails, cake and much much dancing! It's a really weird thing for me when your own father encourages you to get wiggly-wasted... but don't worry, I didn't. That ain't ma' thang.

It was so good seeing so many friends I hadn't seen or had the chance to catch up with for ages! The night also involved getting into an arm wrestle with Felipe's girlfriend Leah, and then losing said arm wrestle (don't worry guys, I've already started my new workout plan to smash her in future LOL).

On my actual birthday (14th of January), my bestfriend El took me out to do the River Walk and have brunch. She just knows me so well! I ended up demolishing my food, and then eating the rest of hers. Whatever, it was my birthday! And I don't regret it hahaha. The food was amazing. We went to a local cafe in my hometown called "Henri Marc". If you live in Western Sydney check this place out!

When I got home, one of my favourite white lace dresses was laid out on my freshly made bed and next to it was a large envelope. On the front it said, "1) Do not read the letter inside until 3pm 2) Inside is something to keep you occupied in the mean time P.S. Keep the dress with you, You'll know when to put it on". Inside the envelope was The Hobbit on DVD which kept me well entertained until I could finally open the letter from Ben at 3pm. I'm famous for crying on my birthday. And that I did. About a paragraph through Ben's letter I was already sobbing, it was seriously so sweet. I'm sorry to ramble on about it. But it was. On the following page of the letter was a code breaker and some clues to help me on my way for a scavenger hunt planned by Benjamin himself! It took me almost an hour to crack the first code, to which i almost broke down and cried because it was so hard! But i ended up solving it and then went on my way to going to different destinations collecting hidden clues that'd lead me to the next. Some of these include Ben and my first kiss, our first date, our first candlelit dinner and so on... It was exhausting but the clues eventually led me to Ben's house where he was waiting for me in his backyard which he decked out with lanterns, a rug and an outdoor movie theatre. It was so sweet! 

Cue second set of tears of joy! Haha. I've never experienced anything like this before. I have never felt so loved like this. Ben seriously hit the nail on the head with all the meticulous details he took into consideration. I was already set for the night, but there was more. After gorging on olives (my love), salami, hummus and crackers, he then cooked dinner for the two of us! It was a delicious pasta, he made the sauce from scratch! I'm so proud, haha.

He then brought out more gifts for me, a new water bottle that had owls on it (i have a bit of crazy obsession for owls), and The Vow on DVD. So we put that on and started watching it while mosquitos had fun chewing on my face and legs. But whatever, the night was perfect.

About an hour through the movie he turns to me and says, "I need to pee". So we pause the film, and he goes inside. I think nothing of it. I just play around on my phone. You know, whatevs. When he returns, he gestures me to get up and hug him. So we stand there hugging for a while, he then looks at me and says, "I know you don't like ageing, so I wanted to give you something that would make you happy on your birthday". That's when it happened. He dropped down on one knee and pulled the ring out. I couldn't believe it was happening. "Yes!" I shout, "Oh my gosh! isdfjksjskdf... What do I do now?" "Put the ring on?" "Put it on me!" So on goes the ring, and we hug and we kiss and i CRY for the THIRD time. Hahaha. It was seriously the most beautiful moment. We spent the rest of the night showing his parents, then waking up El to show her, and then showing my parents. It was the best day. And I don't even think I'll ever be able to have a better day. I have no excuse to be sad on my birthday again, ever. LOL.

As a last treat, on the following saturday my best friends blindfolded me and surprised me with a picnic and pool sesh! It was so much fun. I love them. Seriously, this is how I can tell my true friends from the rest. That is, they greet me with food. Hahaha.

So now I've got a degree to finish, and lot's and lot's of planning to do! Hopefully I'm a little more consistent with my blogging this time around. But don't hate me if I fail to give a wholesome update until next year. Haha.

2013: A Rocky Start

Howdy! It's been a while! It generally is with blogger and I apologise. The past few months have been great, what with Christmas (my first Christmas with the bf), New Years and my birthday, a lot of grand things have occurred. But I don't know, I still feel mild with life. I still feel really lukewarm about it all really, which sucks. I mean, i know I'm terribly blessed... but it's as if I'm living in a house with no lights on, and no windows and I just can't seem to find the door.

Turning 20 was hard. I'm not going to lie, I cried multiple times in the midst of my boyfriend. The poor guy. On the morning of my birthday I cried to him because I was convicted and upset about my lack of integrity during something that occurred at my birthday party the night before. Then after he had finished work, I turned up to his house on the night of my birthday and started crying again for the same reason and also because I just felt like I haven't achieved anything yet. He had an evening planned for me but we ended up post-poning the whole thing. I remember feeling so disappointed in myself because as he tried to cheer me up by handing me a Nintendo 64 (twas so sweet of him), i was still sad and depressed. *sigh I have serious deep-seated issues. But don't worry, the night turned out all right in the end.

One truly grand thing that's been happening more frequently however are bible studies with Ben and also personal opportunities to SOAP. They truly are grand and I can see how God is beginning to work new things within me and slowly weed out the dirty habits and ideas that I let take root in my life the past year. As well as that, its helping me let go of a lot of hurt i still have buried under my skin. Whenever given the opportunity, we'll suggest a bible study. It generally occurs when we eat out at lunch, or when we're in a cafe enjoying the weather over a cup of coffee. I love it most when Ben shares what he thinks. He's told me himself that isn't very good at explaining things, or explaining how he feels, so i feel very privileged when we've read something and I'm not the only one talking haha.
Today we read Romans 8 together. It was so great and I was so refreshed by it! I highlighted so much, however, the most poignant for where I am right now would be Romans 8: 5-7 :-

"Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. Te mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so."

Why you ask? Well, for a while now I've become more and more vain, and more and more conscious and obsessive about my weight, my appearance etc. I've also become increasingly sensitive and fussy about what people say about what I wear, and also more fussy about the foods I eat. I've begun to tread the fine line, the harmonious balance between caring about my physical and spiritual health. Sometimes I get really anxious whenever I go out to eat because there are no healthy options, so I'll opt to eat nothing, or eat little. What also hasn't helped is hanging out with a group of dudes who view women in a manner that I feel is derogatory, superficial and as a means to satiate their lustful desires (i.e. they're not after sincere relationships, but just a good "bang"). I mean, I love these guys, but it depresses me that their mindset wont allow them to both wait for the right girl and/or appreciate women for how God designed them. I get so riled up when women are objectified. I truly do. Sometimes I just want to gather all women together and let them know how truly significant each and everyone one of them are. Man, so many thoughts are flying through my head. There are so many things in my life that need addressing. Okay, I better stop typing all this down before I let too much out.

I'll conclude it by letting you know, God's Word is so refreshing, and it's reviving me. God is moving. I know that's for sure, and my prayer is for change and revival in my life and relationships. I'm also hoping for revolution in my home life and in my mentalities. Yes. I know I'm messed up, but i know God is here.

Ana

7 months and counting...

Every month my boyfriend and I do something to celebrate our time together. At 7 months, my boyfriend planned our day with a picnic and bike ride at Blaxland Riverside Park. He initially planned to take us to Bicentennial Park, but finding parking was impossible! So we drove around Sydney Olympic Park to find a place to have our picnic and came across Blaxland Riverside Park which was vast, and mountainous with crazy looking playground equipment as if it were straight out a Dr. Seuss book, it was amazing! I wish i were a kid again. We found parking, Ben took the esky, I took the rug and we ate our glorious, glorious lunch that he prepared under the shade of a tree. I loved it. He even had Appletiser, haha, AND FRUIT SALAD. So good.

We then went venturing across the park and went exploring at an Armory to discover that you could hire Segways and bikes! We were SO keen to go on Segways, but since we're poor musicians, we opted for bicycles. The bike ride was amazing! We ended up riding alongside the Parramatta River for an hour and raced each other (well, i don't think he realised that i was racing him), we loved it! We're so keen to do more bike rides (oh and segway rides!).

It was an awesome day, which was then concluded with his grandmother's birthday dinner, his family is so hilarious! 

I love being outside, pigging out on healthy food and getting sweaty, it makes me feel significantly more accomplished than being inside, eating junk, haha. I loved it. It was a truly spectacular day!

Breakfast & Bible Study: Single Origin Roasters, Sydney

Yesterday, Ben and I both woke up early and met up early in order to have some quality time with each other and God's Word before heading off to class at possibly my favourite joint to get coffee in Sydney, Single Origin Roasters in Surry Hills. It's an awesome little corner cafe surrounded by quiet streets lined with trees, bicycles, interesting book stores, modern and old terraces, and lofts that inhibit a New York-esque about them (and inhibiting how much I'd love to live in one).  Breakfast was pretty pricey (just over $34 to cover for the both of us). So we being poor students have taken it upon ourselves to find cheaper breakfast spots, and occasionally spoil ourselves with our favourites, occasionally that is. But my skim latte from Single Origin is always worth it. Always. 

I honestly cherish these mornings. I love starting my days like this. Although it can be painful to wake up and head into the city at an early hour (which is really just one hour before class), I love what I'm getting out of it. I love the time I spend with Ben, the conversations we have and the intimacy of sharing our observations out of 1 Corinthians.

There was so much that I got out of our bible study yesterday. So much meat that spoke volumes to how my character is transforming from the semi-rebellious/angsty girl of yesteryear to a more growing, God-fearing young woman. So I thought that I'd do exactly what I did on my last blog post and note down all the verses that I highlighted and discuss what they meant to me.

"But with most of them God was not well pleased, for their bodies were scattered in the wilderness" 1 Corinthians 10:5

Prior to this verse Paul tells the church of Corinth to be aware of how their fathers followed God in the sense that they ate and drank the same spiritual food and drink, following the Rock that is Jesus. The reason why this verse stuck out to me was because it showed me that even if you're in a body where everyone is God-seeking and serving God, if you're only giving a religious lip service it benefits no one, but religious and legalistic expectations to lead your life and I don't believe that, that is the essence of the Christian faith at all.

"No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to hear it" 1 Corinthians 10:13

There is no temptation and no struggle we encounter that no one else hasn't encountered before. This is not to disqualify your struggle, but to encourage those who are struggling with temptation (which includes myself). The point is, we are all struggling, we are all being tempted to do things that God doesn't want us to do for our own well-being. And God's faithfulness stands in the gap, never letting the temptation exceed to destroy us so long as we hold onto Him. I found that so encouraging, that it is in fact God's faithfulness in my life that keeps the enemy at bay.

"You cannot drink the cup of the Lord and the cup of demons; you cannot partake of the Lord's table and of the table of demons" 1 Corinthians 10:21

This one was a simple but awesome one for me. You cannot have the best of both worlds, because really, you're just selling out to the world. "I'll go out drinking tonight, but it's okay, I've got Church on Sunday". That's not how Christianity works... to willingly abuse God's grace would be like a parent rewarding a kid for doing something bad. It sucks though, when you fall into the trap of sinning intentionally and then asking God for forgiveness... because I know that He loves me too much to leave me astray and He'll forgive me, but at the same time, there is a built up guilt that I intentionally wronged Him but now come crawling back in order to clear my conscience.

"All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful; all things are lawful for me, but not all things edify" 1 Corinthians 10:23

Just because it's legal doesn't mean it's right to do nor will it bring you up to be a better person. Such as, turning 18 and commencing the Australian trend of binge drinking or smoking. Just because you're of age doesn't mean it's good for you. It'll eat at you, erode you ... and not to mention it's so bad for your physical health! So again, just because it seems right to others, doesn't mean it has to be right for you.

"Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. Give no offence, either to the Jews or to the Greeks or to the church of God, just as I also please all men in all things, not seeking my own profit, but the profit of many, that they may be saved. Imitate me, just as I also imitate Christ" 1 Corinthians 10:31-32; 11:1.

In my days as a youth leader, 1 Corinthians 11:1 was by far what kept me going. When I first started I felt absolutely unequipped to serve young girls and I felt that I didn't know enough about the bible and about God to share with them. However, my youth pastor put it simply and encouraged us that we didn't need to know everything, we just needed to know God and keep growing one step ahead of the girls so that I could lead them. What also stuck out to me in this passage is that Paul tells us to give no offence to anyone, but to love everyone so that they may be exposed to the love of Christ. I see a lot of Christian groups that congregate in hatred against different groups (like homosexuals to name one) and it absolutely frustrates me, because all I want to do is showcase the love of Christ, how can we expect to build the church when the church members are pushing people away with hate? So I'm going to start with giving glory to God through my life, my relationships, my health... everything. It's time I pushed myself to Godly limits and allow Him to move pivotally in my life again. It's incredibly exciting because I know that there is so much in store for me.

The Severity of Sincerity

It's pretty funny, before i started typing down this blog post I conjured up in my head what my first line would be. And out came "my husband and I started doing bible studies..." But then I realised hang on, I'm not married yet. That's awkward, hahaha. Anyway, I thought that was HILARIOUS. Anyway, back to this blog.

On my other blog (tumblr) I talked about how I desperately want to get back into blogging with substance again. Blogging with sincerity  and blogging with the intent to grow spiritually and simply mentally work out my brain (playing music 24/7 may be dumbing me down).

My boyfriend and I started doing bible studies together (That's him and myself above). We both wanted to make this a consistent habit for us since we first started dating six months ago, but it was only a month ago that we really started doing it, and it has been awesome! We're currently tackling 1 Corinthians together and God has revised so many things that I've left in the back of my mind, but have been so pivotal in my walk as a Christian. When Ben and I do bible study together we'll go chapter by chapter and talk about what stuck out to us and what it means to us. I spend a lot of our bible studies just talking, talking about everything with Ben just sitting there listening, nodding and (most of the time) agreeing. At first I thought that he didn't want to share and explain what it all meant to him, but it turns out that he simply likes me talking about the Word and how it impacts me... which leaves me feeling all gay and fuzzy inside ha. 

Here are the verses that stuck out to me from last nights bible study as well as an explanation of how it impacts me:

"Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulteress, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God." 1 Corinthians 6:9-11

What I love about this passage is that Paul basically singles out everyone. No one (apart from Jesus Christ) is unrighteous. We all fall short and lie, cheat, steal etc. Some maybe more than others, some maybe more proudly than others, some maybe more secretive than others... but we are all victim to this. Prior to this passage Paul talks about how unfair it is for Christians to judge non-Christians for their sins and verse 11 ties it up wonderfully, "And such were some of you". How can we, as Christians, place judgement on people who haven't experienced the grace of God that we have experienced? How can we condemn people who don't know their worth in God? I believe in showcasing the love of Jesus Christ to people, period. It's so simple, easy and effective to just be that person that people know believes in them, encourages them and will be there for them, because we as Christians should be first to know what it's like to hit rock bottom and want to give up, and we as Christians should be the first to help out those who are struggling and straggling unsure of where to go in life.

"Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body" 1 Corinthians 6:20

For a Christian person in a relationship to say that they don't struggle with temptation is a blatant liar. It's one of the first and most frequent areas in which you'll undergo a lot of struggle. I know a couple that have been together for a long time and haven't yet kissed, I'm not really sure why but if it's to steer clear of temptation I sincerely salute them. Anyway, the reason why this verse spoke out to me was because when you sin, you're generally hurting someone else e.g. lying to another person. But when you commit to a sexual sin (before marriage or not with your wife/husband) not only are you hurting someone else, but more importantly you're hurting yourself. Young Christians, be careful. If you ever come across a situation where you are tempted to compromise your purity RUN. And i mean RUN! Make a scene. Bolt out the door and scream if you have to. If you give Satan an inch, he'll take a whole yard. And you can never take it back, it's a scar that has the potential to hinder you later on in life.

"The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does." 1 Corinthians 7:4
What I love about this verse is that, from how I've interpreted it, it completely shutdowns any misogynist notions/ideologies people place against the bible. I don't believe God was a misogynist, nor do I believe that He created women to be unequal to men. He loves both men and women with the same unconditional love. Anyway, I love this verse because it is an example of how marriage is about partnership, not ownership. As is your relationship with God, it's a partnership (by His grace, honestly. How amazing is He!). Ben and I have been learning to be both dependent on God, each other and His word and it has been the most refreshing thing (for me personally) to surrender it to Him, because I know that there have been times where I knew that a lot of our relationship was in bad shape simply because we both weren't depending on God. But God is a restorer of lost things, and it is only now (7 months down the track!) that i feel like i'm in a God-centred relationship, a relationship that I can put my money on. One that will last.

"You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men." 1 Corinthians 7:23
I thought this verse was so powerful and also confronting. Why? For me, it sort of shone a spotlight on all the areas of my character and identity that weren't Christ-centered. things that I hadn't/haven't surrendered to Him. And it sort of hit me... the size of the sacrifice God gave in order to redeem my life - His only sinless Son. It shattered me. It was like someone injected adrenalin straight into my heart. God picked me. He also picked you. And that last phrase of the sentence is sort of a challenge, "Do not become slaves of men", or rather "Do not sellout your integrity to please others", or "do not compromise your identity to please others"... why? You'll be the only one wearing the shackles and no one else in the world will care.

So those were the verses that spoke volumes to me on my second last bible study with Ben before he flew up to Brisbane to play at the Big Sound Music Festival! His time away has been really refreshing because it's allowed me to spend time with God in a way that's left me feeling more and more love for Ben.

Thanks for reading!