oh gee darn.

a song reminded me of what i was doing. a song, with its beautiful orchestral glory and awesome, slapped me on the face. i paused, and let it slap me again. what have i done?

its funny. when you make all these guarantees, commitments and promises. when you preach all these ideals and aspects but sometimes, can't even live it out. now, now kids. i haven't turned to drug dealin', like some of the cool kids seem to be doing these days.

why am i not studying as hard as i used to? i mean, why do i feel i know it all? why aren't i freaking out? why am i sitting back chillin' not insanely concerned about the great educational injustice that is about to take place next week. worst of all, i've pushed away, disregarded and made irrelevancy to the One who brought me all together.

God, i've been avoiding You. i'm making up poor excuses thinking that its to bring you glory. but am i? am i truly living with my heart set aflame to love like you did, to pursue the things you've laid out? i need to stop being that part-time religious girl, which is everything i don't want to be. my heart is hassled by the thought that i'm only 'holy' when i'm supposed to be 'holy'. *sigh tis a shame. i feel like a sham. i don't want to be that girl, "she doesn't even go here".

i need to die, a living death.

i want to marry this guy:

well, figuratively.

Andreas Wijk

we share ideals on how we'd like to organise our things.

his style is increasingly awesome, he constributes a to a fashion blog 

☞ click here ☜

he sings + can play instrument at the same time ;). did i also mention that he listens to jimmy needham?

he's won me over.

you me at six

i love to read and look at images of bands when on tour. and not just the professional photography but the things they take themselves, its such an interesting way to veiw their lifestyles, i mean, it couldn't be done in the past without actually being present there.
here's a few awesome shots i've taken from josh's blog (singer of you met at six)

Yosemite like you haven't seen it

day old blues

i lied, these are not day old blues (kings of leon). i guess the only things i can complain about is the fact that tomorrow i embark on the first day of the last term of school. it's depressing because 01. i need a longer break, 02. i love school, 03. i hate the hsc. i don't need to try, considering the uni i aspire to doesn't judge on UAI or the HSC. but, i feel obliged to do as well as i possibly can because 01. to have my teachers proud of me, 02. have my parents proud of me, 03. to absolutely thrash my brother's results.

i can already hear the flames as i stand at the gates of this metaphorical sheol. some of the previous burns victims that we call ex-year 12 students, are still standing, others burnt to the crisp wishing they had handled it better. typing this now, i'm realising that i really don't care, i'm not fussed. i know that even if this opportunity fails me, there'll be more.

but back to my psychic predictions of me being stressed, here's my plan:

this is where anyone, you, myself will have to take me when i get in over my head. actually, apply this to life, okay?

cross your heart, hope to die. do it...

in other news, my desk. why do i subsist to posting pictures of my desk? i've realised, that you'll know how i am, by the state of my desk. so if i haven't told you what's up, which is highly unlikely, break into my house and examine my desk.

+ clockwise: new 'punkt' visualizer on itunes - listening to my '01. in the sun' playlist; mrs. gorbachev (donning the tag b. wrapped around my dress) not only guards my coins but the texts i have to read for school and xavier wearing my new and broken necklace.

huzzah for the hurt

you know that confidence i had in my relationships? yeah, thats gone. but He keeps telling me to shrug it off, that it comes and goes. you know? not to take it to heart, that's difficult, seeing as, i made myself vulnerable... too vulnerable.

art-fart-cart-start-smart-art

was at school today, yes, during the school holidays, and was working on my major for visual arts. heres a few images of my day. all in all, it was fun, nick and i (pictured above) spent most of our time in the dark room experimenting with our SLRs. i'm currently going through a fish-eye + vintage photograph phase. and as i have yet to develop the film from my diana, nor in possession of a fish-eye lens.. this has been adobically manipulated.

my work station. oh yeah. snacks, subway smoothie. mac. itunes. thats how i operate.

the new pimpin' chairs. my teacher customised the stools as they were bitterly cold during the winter. she also added cushioning to some of them.

some of the girls at work. that red chair on the left is a vintage barber shop find my teachers found. i don't know how they find such cool things.

[edit]: just realised i didn't 'fish-eye' that last image. oh wells.

i'd like to do some kinetics with this one.
doesn't even look like i did anything. but eh. figure it out for yourself.

i do not deny, this was heavily inspired by the works at hillsong conference 2010. haha.

vlad

it ain't negligence. i be at school chillin'