appealing for the aesthetically hip,

last night/this morning was one of my close friend's epic 18th birthday party. every aspect was pretty much perfect. the setting, the array of faerie lights, jars of candles lighting up the pathway, floating candles in the pool, red-american plastic cups, 'the village people' head gear and of course people i was chillin' with, i was either extravagantly close or on good terms with. so all in all, i had an absolute blast.

deen + i regained our energy through a pit-stop at subway then trekked home discussing the many events that transpired, like emma getting pushed into the pool, the cult-like chanting of the men by the bon fire, and the billions of new jokes that were invented.

above is our "indie" spot, we hung out by the pool, because we're too cool for the peasants. i think it's safe to say, that jodi and i in our 'caterpillar project', aimed at becoming more hip and such is starting to work and we're reaping the benefits. mm, let's hope these indie kids don't reap long term repercussions.

+++

to do:

• get my lomo film developed
• put the negatives on a disc
• finish my art major
• love people more
• pray more
• clean my room
• read my bible (for once)
• step up
• be awesome
• save $$
• get p's

okay, so i'm a tad obsessed with weddings

taken via brandon chesbro

yes, i can't resist a good wedding. i love going to weddings that are immensely sentimental, more so than traditional. which is how i guess traditions are set in place because of the preceding sentiment. but yes, i love seeing couples do different things with their weddings. not with the precept that they must be different, but because it must be sentimental and special to them to celebrate their bond and unity under one body. i'd publish things i'd want for the day of my wedding, if i am to ever get married, but that's sad. considering, i'm only 17.

NEVER POSTED: and we've got time on our hands

february 15th, 2010 • 8:59pm
yeah so: it all boils down to this. are you going to sink or swim? are you going to let go or hold on? it all comes down to your decision at the end of the day.
does this feeling of betrayal justify the escalation of events? does your presumed thoughts of one another seem relevant to be waved around, paraded as their weaknesses.
i for one, am glad to not be consumed, to be masked in a facade that dictates me to act otherwise.

NEVER POSTED:

march 17th, 2010 • 10:57pm
it's been a while since the days i would sit down and write an actual update or blog of the happenings. you, my dear followers, observe mere sparse explosions of blubber that i post.

2010, how can i define it? i think that this year is about relationships. we've certainly experienced more hardship in our friendships than ever before. they're no longer as petty and meaningless when we were young, we're all being politicians about it to be honest.

but despite all the trials and tribulations we always make it through the storm, because we are legit friends. not the kind you're just willing to drop, but we're all holding on to each other. And to be sappy about it, it's pretty inspirational. why? we have the willpower to force the preceding year 12 to sit on the other side of the courtyard, and we've also disciplined the year 11's to sit at that certain table and not the other. hand on, we're not just friends, we're a family ... heck i'll say it, we're a tribe. a group of leaders (literally, school captain, src students, sport captains etc).

we semi-fear life after school, i was talking to my friend about my experiences with hanging around with the CYK and how it's like practice for life, considering we're all so different and contrasting, and he said 'dude, that is life, that's it right there'. so i greatly appreciate how we live harmoniously together with all our own values, perceptions and meanings to life... even when we question each other, we all weren't spoon fed with what we believe, we can all give each other valid answers make us cool kids.

NEVER POSTED: vent: broke

July 12th, 2010 • 12:15am

what have we become?

we've become a needy group of children whose perceptions of what's important in our lives have been twisted and swayed by the supposed conventions of young society told to us through the television, showed to us by those magazines, reinterpreted through those hollywood love stories.

this particular rant is about young teenagers and their continual lusts for one another.

instead enjoying our youth, being kids, chillin' because its the right thing to do, we've got this understanding embedded within our brains that we have to be in a 'committed relationship', that we do in fact need a boy-toy, that strong, designer wearing guy who can 'hold me in his arms and never let go', that finding that guy to 'love' and to hold is the most essential aspect of being a teenager... when its not. do we even know what it means to be committed?

why do we think we know what we want? why do we order a hot chips, look at our bulging guts, and then wish we got the salad? do some of us even have a gut?

are teenagers more lonely these days? then make some friends. where's the comfort in forging a relationship on the precept that he's hot, hence you think he's cute, therefore he's perfect boyfriend material. why do some of us do it for the sake of social status?

why do we assume its love when you met him/her 2 minutes ago? why do girls allow themselves to be subconsciously prostituted from boy to boy, trying to find that substitute for her inadequacy to be content with what she's got and who she is as an individual. however, instead they let themselves be hurt, again and again.

why can't we stand on our own two feet as an individual? why do some of us want to have our identity attached to somebody else's.

i'm sorry. i'm sorry. but it legitimately breaks my heart to see young teenagers waste their golden years on temporary and fading things. losing sight of the extraordinary greatness that they each behold. the fact that they could change the world... if they stopped looking at the mirror.

i may be old school, dryly conservative, subconsciously judgemental, rude, obtrusive, out of context or what-have-you. but eh. i'm only like this because i care. 

season of substance:

so, this blog is no longer "me, facing giants". why? because i can always lie or cover up or blow up the giants i face in my life. it's now a continual season of substance, which was supposed to be a short period of time, but why should i limit my integrity and the development of personal revelation etc? that's something a superficial man would do. but i am no longer appealed to the surface wonderings of the human condition. we all suffer different levels extremities of pain and chaos.

in my first step forward, here is my first of my 'drafted' posts i never got to click 'publish' with from my tumblr. i'll try and date it, but my goodness, this stuff is so timely for the things i'm experiencing right now. i love how your past can scream back at you telling you to wake up and what not. i'm awesome.

july 12 2010

miscommunication

don't you just hate it when the things you say, especially online, are miscommunicated?

my comrades and myself were getting to the bottom of an issue that's been hanging around for a couple of months. upon drawing a conclusion to the issue, i said some things that were heavily miscommunicated. and i mean heavily.

instead of coming across as sarcastic, funny and stupid. my words were misread and i was portrayed as arrogant, rude and demeaning. after being confronted i left the conversation because i was done with it and i didn't want to face any added drama. 

my friend pointed it out to me, saying that i say i'm confronting but when i face confrontation i cower. and even though the things she said hurt and weren't the whole truth it reminded me of the person i'm supposed to be. the person that God wants me to be. and its not that idiot, annoying, inconsiderate fool that i'm sometimes branded. but hopefully, one day, i can be remembered as a person who had substance. substance in the way i handle my relationships, substance in the things i focus my life on, substance in the things i love, substance in every plausible manner.  and even though i didn't want to face that confrontation, it was mainly because i value my friendships and i'd rather avoid issues that are unnecessary and can still cause considerable harm. which it kind of did. but i've passed the issue, i just wanted someone to tell this to. because you always listen.

boy, am i glad to have a blogspot.

cameron's 18th

Twas a surprise party. i was surprised that no one told him about the surprise or that he didn't find out about the surprise! well, c'mon its cameron. haha. here are some highlights:

best photo i've been in in a while. haha. left to right: lindsay, myself, cameron, deen + emma

:)

yes yan. that is your dslr.