Why I'm happy being single,

February, being the month of love, got me thinking about relationships (Cue sappy '80s ballad). Haha, not really. Actually, it's more so made me vomit in my mouth at some of my closest friends being sappy with their significant others. Sometimes I question why I'm not with anyone. Am I not pretty? Is the opposite sex just as superficial as I expected? Is it because of _______? Does it have to do with ______? Really, I'd go around in circles questioning my very identity, my character and getting as superficial as judging my appearance and my social status questioning why in the world at eighteen years of age I've never had a boyfriend.

For a lot of my teenage years, I was bombarded by my circle of friends (whom were in possession of two lists: the first, a list of those they have liked, the second one of those who liked them, with the occasion of certain ones overlapping each other and sometimes flourishing in relationships) with queries of who I liked. I would usually mask all those questions I'd ask myself above with "I don't like anyone" and/or "Boys are ew", with which they would respond with "Oh my, imagine the day Vicki starts liking a boy- Wait! The day Vicki gets a boyfriend. Then she'll understand!". Occasionally, I'd let them know if I've liked someone and they'd coo and giggle at me finally becoming a teenage girl, they'll make obvious hints that'll make me shrivel up, turn socially awkward and wish I were a nun or something. I would get frustrated and annoyed at myself. I took having crushes as a sign of weakness or vulnerability. I thought that having a crush was just a period I had before I became a really good friends with a guy, because I was so desperate for whoever would be genuine towards me and I didn't want to jeopardise a good friend over dumb feelings. I thought that having a boyfriend would validate me being a teenager. That it would reveal a world I've been missing out on simply because I wasn't dating. That it would bring perfection and ease to a seemingly complicated (aka. overrated) life.

So, with all this in mind. Looking back at the immature girl I was, I can safely say I'm perfectly content with remaining single. Please don't think that I'm some bitter feminist who finds relationships to be an ancient and misogynist work of the male sex whom are trying to suppress us with supposed 'love'. And please don't think that i'm hating on young people who are in relationships. No, I'm just a young adult who personally thinks that there are greater things to do with my youth than be concerned with a relationship that has a 50% of making it to the end (aka. marriage). I wont be settling anytime soon. I wont be slowing down. I wont be eagerly waiting for a Prince Charming type to sweep me off my feet and carry me (with difficulty) back to his castle where we will live a beautiful and mediocre life together. Oh no, I have dreams of getting myself dirty with the sweat and heartache of helping those in need; of getting people out of physical, emotional and spiritual poverty; rescuing those who are terrorised; of raising awareness of the suffering happening in the world (i don't even know a quarter of it). I want to get out of my comfort zone and use my talents and knowledge to educate and accelerate the disadvantaged into places that are so farfetched to them, like an education or a home. Most of all, I want to show these people what love is. That love is not simply defined by the intimacy of two people. I am not seeking to be thrillingly passionate about some guy, but compassionate for the down trodden and fervently passionate for my Saviour, Christ Jesus. That is why, I'm happy being single.

[Post-script]: I'm not rejecting the idea of a loving relationship between two people. Perhaps in the midst of living out of my comfort zone will I meet/find somebody. However, I'm simply not setting up expectations that I will or that it's imperative to live purposefully and satisfactorily with a boyfriend. In a nutshell, I'm not looking. Haha.

Anxiety and her other Allies

I think i know why i've been so excruciatingly sick lately. Anxiety. Wow, i never pictured myself being scared or anxious about starting college but now that i think about it. I'll admit it, i've been having a bit of those anxious moments of fear when you realise just how big that mountain (of tertiary education) you have to trek is and not to mention my continuing worry of really important friends i've lost in commencing this new season of my life. I tried to be tough about it and say that i'm ready to move on. But, my body has been telling me that no, i haven't. That i still care for them, i still want to talk to them. However, there is a large barrier of misconducted actions and mistakes between us. I cannot find peace with them or myself. And because of this stress and anxiety, that's why i couldn't beat the cold (which i got in the middle of summer) and that's why i contracted Conjunctivitis. It was stress induced, what a little hustler!

Although, you wont be catching me sulking around any longer. God is greater, stronger and bigger and i'm looking to Him for strength and the physical and spiritual oxygen to be able to stand strong. I need some fresh air.

Europe

After I've completed my Bachelor of Music and saved up enough cash, my sister-friend Jee and I plan on heading to Europe and the USA to discover the wonders that is those mysterious lands. I am very excited to go to Europe, it's a land I come from and love for it's tradition, architecture, illustrious history and many cultures.

YD 2011

Angie did such an awesome job with this video! She's raised the bar as to what's in store for YD creatively. Gah, can't wait :)

YD: Launch 2011

The YD: Launch for 2011 was seriously an unbelievable night. It was so amazing to see J12, Junior High, Senior High and Young Adults come together for one purpose and one cause. To not only fellowship with one another but to continue to learn more about Jesus, our Saviour King and friend. The message was a revelation to my ears. I always forget that God is not only my master but foremost, He made Himself my friend. There are times when i'd serve for the sake of it or for the reason that doing this will score me faith points or whatever else it is that'll make me feel like a better Christian. There are times when i'd be frustrated that i have to serve God. However, the message of this particular night was totally different. What are the kinds of things we'd do for friends? Practically anything. We sacrifice, we set time, we forgive, we comply ... We pretty much do anything for our true friends. And Jesus said it himself, He is our friend. So, if I were to serve God as a friend would serve a friend, my life wouldn't be a long story detailing the religious journey of a woman, but a relationship between a friend and an even better one, Jesus.

Sunday Escapades,

lifeEscaping the monotonous daily grind (and heat) for good memories, great places and exceptional friends (and amazing ice cream).