Why I'm happy being single,

February, being the month of love, got me thinking about relationships (Cue sappy '80s ballad). Haha, not really. Actually, it's more so made me vomit in my mouth at some of my closest friends being sappy with their significant others. Sometimes I question why I'm not with anyone. Am I not pretty? Is the opposite sex just as superficial as I expected? Is it because of _______? Does it have to do with ______? Really, I'd go around in circles questioning my very identity, my character and getting as superficial as judging my appearance and my social status questioning why in the world at eighteen years of age I've never had a boyfriend.

For a lot of my teenage years, I was bombarded by my circle of friends (whom were in possession of two lists: the first, a list of those they have liked, the second one of those who liked them, with the occasion of certain ones overlapping each other and sometimes flourishing in relationships) with queries of who I liked. I would usually mask all those questions I'd ask myself above with "I don't like anyone" and/or "Boys are ew", with which they would respond with "Oh my, imagine the day Vicki starts liking a boy- Wait! The day Vicki gets a boyfriend. Then she'll understand!". Occasionally, I'd let them know if I've liked someone and they'd coo and giggle at me finally becoming a teenage girl, they'll make obvious hints that'll make me shrivel up, turn socially awkward and wish I were a nun or something. I would get frustrated and annoyed at myself. I took having crushes as a sign of weakness or vulnerability. I thought that having a crush was just a period I had before I became a really good friends with a guy, because I was so desperate for whoever would be genuine towards me and I didn't want to jeopardise a good friend over dumb feelings. I thought that having a boyfriend would validate me being a teenager. That it would reveal a world I've been missing out on simply because I wasn't dating. That it would bring perfection and ease to a seemingly complicated (aka. overrated) life.

So, with all this in mind. Looking back at the immature girl I was, I can safely say I'm perfectly content with remaining single. Please don't think that I'm some bitter feminist who finds relationships to be an ancient and misogynist work of the male sex whom are trying to suppress us with supposed 'love'. And please don't think that i'm hating on young people who are in relationships. No, I'm just a young adult who personally thinks that there are greater things to do with my youth than be concerned with a relationship that has a 50% of making it to the end (aka. marriage). I wont be settling anytime soon. I wont be slowing down. I wont be eagerly waiting for a Prince Charming type to sweep me off my feet and carry me (with difficulty) back to his castle where we will live a beautiful and mediocre life together. Oh no, I have dreams of getting myself dirty with the sweat and heartache of helping those in need; of getting people out of physical, emotional and spiritual poverty; rescuing those who are terrorised; of raising awareness of the suffering happening in the world (i don't even know a quarter of it). I want to get out of my comfort zone and use my talents and knowledge to educate and accelerate the disadvantaged into places that are so farfetched to them, like an education or a home. Most of all, I want to show these people what love is. That love is not simply defined by the intimacy of two people. I am not seeking to be thrillingly passionate about some guy, but compassionate for the down trodden and fervently passionate for my Saviour, Christ Jesus. That is why, I'm happy being single.

[Post-script]: I'm not rejecting the idea of a loving relationship between two people. Perhaps in the midst of living out of my comfort zone will I meet/find somebody. However, I'm simply not setting up expectations that I will or that it's imperative to live purposefully and satisfactorily with a boyfriend. In a nutshell, I'm not looking. Haha.