PET PEEVES:

• When people exhale their cigarette smoke in my face in their attempt to be aloof and not notice i am suffocating. And in general, when people smoke. I find it to be a really unattractive and gross habit.
• Long toe nails (finger nails are tolerable). I have a weird thing with feet. Feet are weird, full stop. Why make them even weirder with long toe nails? I have a friend who purposely grows his toenails for the pure reason to disgust me. And every time i see it, oh boy, i wish i hadn't.
• When people wake me up with a series of questions. My father loves to do this to me. He'll ask me a minimum of 5 questions every day, all of which i'm not even paying attention to, just giving yes or no answers so that he'll let me sleep in. Later on in the morning i'll find myself in trouble because my dad had asked me this and such and blah blah... but seriously, just don't examine me in the morning.
• When women use their brassieres as an extra storage compartment. Growing up in the western suburbs this is all i saw during high school. Girls who kept their phones in their bras. For most of the time, they didn't even try to conceal it, you would just see this huge brick of an implant protruding through their unbuttoned school shirt. I find it infuriating. Why carry around a hand bag with all your make up and magazines and the one pen, and yet not put your phone or lighter in it? your bra's are for your boobs. Keep it that way.

I just needed to share some of the things that really bother me, simply because that's how i roll.

something to live by,

The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. Instead of diminishing evil, it multiplies it. Through violence you may murder the liar, but you cannot murder the lie, nor establish the truth. Through violence you may murder the hater, but you do not murder hate. In fact, violence merely increases hate. So it goes. Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.

- Martin Luther King, Jr. (1967)

hello? is this thing on?

i realise  that i haven't blogged here in so long, or which such depth in a really long time. Now that i think about it, it's been a long time since i've put myself under the microscope to figure out what i've been been running on. What it is that really consumes me. What it is that i challenging me, moving me.

My greatest frailty is my notion to underestimate people. I always underestimate people. No matter how close to me, or how distant. I don't know what it is. Whether it's this pompous attitude i have about me (that needs to go), my independent attitude (yet secret need for companionship) or a fear of being let down. I always underestimate people, and through that, they always get the best of me and their actions always take me by surprise one way or another.

A once intimate friend, which i haven't spoken to in months due to a falling out, came back into my life today. And it wasn't me who initiated it. I wasn't upset that i hadn't been the one to take initiative. I was disappointed that i had held the idea that this person was altogether bad. A mean spirited, spiteful person that I never needed again. And i was  wrong. I was wrong to have put up these signs around me to ensure that i never missed them or had the faintest desire to need them. The truth is, those very signs i put up became the model i was slowly becoming.

I always feel guilty. Guilty for allowing myself to fall into a pit or demeaning judgmental ideas that i've dug myself, based on prejudices i allow myself to believe. And i don't want to be that person. No thanks. That kind of person isn't just, loving, merciful, caring, considerate or forgiving. That person isn't Christ. And He is the kind of person i want to be like.

I've got a lot to do in the coming two week break i have from uni. A lot.